I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
