Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
