Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
