yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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