and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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