Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
