Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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