escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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