are you so shy because you have an std?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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