did you get engaged???
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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