I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
