I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
