yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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