I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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