what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
