We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
