Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
