your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
