just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
