So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
