advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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