Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
