I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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