I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
