I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
