the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
