Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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