i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
