i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize