sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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