Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
