I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
FUCK WHALES
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