..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
