sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
