so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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