Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Say something about gay babies.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
