rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
