so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
