capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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