I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
