um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
