He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
