he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
