I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We are two peas in an std pod
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
