I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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