that's an acceptable place to lick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
