New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
