Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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