i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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