I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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