ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
