I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
