First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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