Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize