I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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