Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
