I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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