only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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