He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
