So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
