I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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