Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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