It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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