i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
