is your mom at the bar?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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