I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
