Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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