No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
