Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
