I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
