the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
