I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize