why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
